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1x31 Humanity Is Bad
Season 1 Episodes
45 episodes
1. Hair
Today the guys discuss all things hair (and the lack there of)! They warn of the dangers of hair removal, explore the strange hair trends of ancient Greek statues, and discuss sci-fi scenarios where the elite harvest hair and organs from the less fortunate.
2. Body Odor
Mark hosts while Wade and Bob one-up each other's concepts for eliminating body odor, debate the true number of human senses, and remember nostalgic aromas.
3. Transportation
Mark hosts while Wade and Bob one-up each other's concepts for eliminating body odor, debate the true number of human senses, and remember nostalgic aromas.
4. Camping
Mark recounts the legend of an insane creature from the Rocky Mountains. Bob explains how his formative kayaking trip almost ended like a horror movie, and Wade...well, Wade just does what Wade does...
5. Fake Tech
Bob prompts a discussion about technology that blurs the lines of reality in this hilarious episode full of gadget scams, 00's game nostalgia, and if the mute button could exist for real life.
6. Supernatural
Mark hosts as Bob and Wade trade scary stories. For Bob, it's a strange woman who catches children who stay out too late. For Wade, a true story about how the night after watching "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" may have been scarier than the movie itself!
7. Bob's Fridge
Bob rages while telling a story about the disaster that was the installation of his new fridge, and the technicians behind it.
8. Conventions
On this episode of the pod, the guys get nostalgic for conventions and all the good and bad that come with them. From notable failed attempts, to bizarre themes (like "pizza" and "baby"), to post-COVID predictions, conventions hold a special place in Mark, Bob, and Wade's hearts.
9. Hold my Beer
Wade hosts as Mark and Bob share some classic "hold my beer" moments from their college days.
10. Synchronicity
In front of a "live" Discord audience, the guys discuss synchronicities, déjà vu, mind-reading, and hive minds.
11. Perfect Crime
Mark, Bob and Wade aim to answer the age old hypothetical question: "What is the perfect crime?".
12. Kids are Stupid
The guys share stories about how dumb kids can be: from inventing stupid games, to playing with banned toys, and somehow making it through all of it without a scratch.
13. Happy Funerals
Bob hosts, opening the floor for Mark and Wade to discuss what they want their funerals to be like.
14. Future
This week, the guys talk about the future: expectations vs. reality. What did people in the past predict the future would be like? Were they accurate? The guys wonder if they too will be accurate if they attempt to do the same.
15. How to make a Best Friend
The guys give absolutely the worst advice possible on how to make a best friend.
16. On Sh*t Moments
The guys discuss their bathroom close calls. Expired meat and hospital visits included, underwear left behind
17. How Dare You
Tough sports coaches, rude fast food customers, and criminals getting their comeuppance, the guys discuss all of their moments of revenge and defiance against those who dared to cross them.
18. Dreams & Nightmares
The guys recount their night terrors, the first ones they remember having as well as the ones they still have today. They also explore how memory relates to dreams.
19. King of Meat
Following the first ever tie in Distractible history, Mark and Bob attempt to share hosting responsibilities, while Wade regales in his tales of good and not so good eats.
20. Life Plan
The guys discuss their life paths, including career goals, turning points and what job they'd have in a zombie apocalypse.
21. Lies from Parents
From coffee stunting your growth, to gum staying in your stomach forever, the guys recall the lies their parents told them growing up and how they still affect them as adults.
22. Dating Advice
Wade hosts as Bob shares the story of his movie theater dating scare, and Mark reminisces on the only dating idea he had in high school, or the lack thereof.
23. Dangerous Coasters
The guys discuss crazy roller coasters and amusement park rides, as well as discuss what a hypothetical "euthanasia coaster" would consist of.
24. I Was Wrong...
The spelling of certain words, sex ed miscommunications, examples of the Mandela Effect: the guys humbly admit when they were wrong...
25. Fears & Fetishes
Sharks, stage fright, and snapping your legs like Joe Theismann. Today, the guys discuss their fears and whether or not the opposite of a fear is a fetish.
26. Old Men
Let's face it: Mark, Bob and Wade are getting - up there.
27. We Are All Going To Die
Birds falling from the sky, climate change, solar flares, Jeff Bezos... What will be humanity's ultimate demise?
28. Young & Stupid
The guys discuss adolescent sneakiness, food revelations, and more Jeff Bezos!
29. That One Guy
Campfire guitar guy, the gamer guy with a bad mic, Crypto Bros, Florida Man… you know, that guy. Which “guy” are our guys?
30. Never Give Up
Mark shares the story of a pilot who crashed his plane seven times, inspiring Bob and Wade to find similar tales of perseverance despite ridiculous failure.
31. Humanity Is Bad
Bob challenges Mark and Wade to prove that humanity is ultimately good.
32. Christmas Gone Wrong
The guys dive into how disturbing and strange some holiday traditions really are.
33. Failed Resolutions
Mark's bizarre sleeping schedule, Bob drinks an entire handle of vodka, and Wade is - jogging? The guys discuss self improvement and whether or not New Year's is overrated.
34. The Perfect Meal
The guys discuss their cooking mishaps and oddly satisfying food creations.
35. Cryptids Are Scary
Mark's late-night descent into the "distressingmemes" subreddit sparks discussion of scary stories, including Bob and Wade's favorite cryptids.
36. Bad Habits
From nose picking to cigarette smoking, the guys start 2022 off by discussing their worst habits.
37. Beware The Candy Uncle...
Inspired by the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment, Mark challenges Bob and Wade to brainstorm creative ways to keep kids from eating too much candy.
38. Funniest Joke In The World
After reading an "official" list of the funniest jokes in the world and deciding they aren't that funny, Bob challenges Mark and Wade to find or make the funniest joke in the world, with Mark ultimately turning to AI for assistance.
39. Waste Of Money
The guys trade stories about losing embarrassing amounts of money. From Craigslist scams to mobile games, yard sales and more.
40. The Distractible Threesome
In honor of Valentine's Day, the guys show their devotion by answering The New York Times' "36 Questions that Lead to Love".
41. The Worst Piece Of Sh*t Episode Ever
Bob hosts and absentmindedly goes over an entire topic that the guys have already discussed in an earlier episode, leading to him having a breakdown. Also, Wade's dogs are fine, thanks for asking.
42. Criminally Subliminal
Love them or hate them, we live in a world of advertisements. The guys discuss nostalgic commercials, the psychology behind ads and how they approach recording their own ads for Distractible.
43. Hill I Will Die On
Prepare for a lot of hot takes as the guys explore their own and argue about them.
44. Pet Stories
The guys reminisce about hilarious and chaotic pet-related memories.
45. Disappointing Our Parents
Quitting jobs, sneaking porn, having a run-in with the police, today the guys chat about times they upset their parents.
